Life .... What else....

Its been a long time since i ever wrote a blog. And right now i just feel like writing. Just so much has been happening my life i just don't know where to turn, or what to do or say ... I love Dereke and i always will. But i don't think i can be with him anymore. After all the years of crap from him. i just don't think he will ever change. and i don't think  i will ever been happy with him. But yet here i am basically going down the same road with Andrew. But i love him so much. i have never stopped loving him. and i want to  be with him. i want us to be together. and give it a chance. But then i just end up getting hurt and get screwed over. why can't i just learn my damn lesson! i swear sometimes i just want to be a lesbian. or not even deal with men. But then when u fall in love its all you want! I just want someone who will treat me good and take care of me and my babies. and Andrew promises all this. But sometimes i just wonder if its BS he's feeding me. But why!!! .. i want to believe him. But sometimes i still doubt him ... sometimes i wish i could be cold heart like some people but i just can't!. i always been a good person. and i try so hard to be nice to everyone!